Around and around I go–where my pride stops, nobody knows… I have been wanting to do something, anything other than what God has given me to do–to pour myself out merely for the good of my kids and husband and the occasional volunteer opportunity. But I have a college degree! But I am intelligent! But I have talents and skills and academic interests! But I could dosomething in the world to serve God and build up his Church!
For days, weeks, months, years, ever since I have become a “stay-at-home homeschooling mother” I have been trying to figure out what God wants me to do. But no doors have opened except the ones I have pried open. No clear path emerged for me to go down. I have prayed, begged, researched, pondered, about what my vocation is and what I need to be doing to prepare for it or begin the process.
Just this morning I was reading some good advice about finding your calling from The Art of Manliness. Good and helpful stuff. It suggests that instead of peering inside yourself trying to find what your calling is, just look for a problem in the world that you want to try and fix, and there you go. Makes sense–there are plenty of problems right in my home that need someone who cares to try and solve them! Another helpful nugget of advice I came across today was from this blog post. It echoes another wise blog post I read today here. Both of these posts convicted me about my heart and serving God. The former mentions that we need to ask God what HE wants us to do and do that–not just doing what WE want to do. And the latter suggests that anything we do, we should do to the glory of God–that is, not to the glory of ourselves and egos. (God usually speaks to me this way–in a series of similar messages from different places.)
Maybe I think I could serve God best by being some well-known teacher, speaker, or writer, but God has asked me to serve him by being a devoted wife and mother (maybe for a season, maybe for good). Certainly God knows best what he wants and what I need. My prayer should be “Lord, my life is yours and every good thing I have comes from you. Use me in whatever way you want to–to serve you is my joy. Prevent me from serving my own pride instead of you. I trust that what you ask me to do is for my best good.”
When God called Jeremiah (Jer 1:4-8), he told him:
4 Now the word of the Lord came to me saying,
5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you;
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
6 Then I said, “Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.”[a] 7 But the Lord said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’;
for to all to whom I send you you shall go,
and whatever I command you you shall speak.
8 Be not afraid of them,
for I am with you to deliver you,
says the Lord.”
I notice that God had a plan for Jeremiah before he was even born–as he does for each of us. If he has a plan, surely he will make it known to us at some point. Also, Jeremiah is not confident that he has the necessary credentials to speak for God, but God points out that he is with him and will deliver him. God tells Jeremiah that he is to go to those who he sends him to and to say what he commands him to say. Jeremiah did not go looking for this gig–he was working for the Lord, taking orders and obeying. This should be the same for all of us–whatever God calls us to do–and he will let us know if we are being called to do something–we ought to do. If that means laying down my life for my family and doing nothing more exciting than changing another diaper or cooking another meal or hauling another person to another activity, then so be it–a necessary purification and a pleasing offering to the Lord, if sincere.