What the Herck Am I Doing Here?

Lately, I have been led to pray about and consider my calling–what does God want me to do with my life (besides raising my children and being a good wife)? I was at the library, in between books, and once again, a book on the bottom shelf called out to me. It was called, strangely enough, Called, written by Ryan T. Pemberton.

This is a very enjoyable and quick read that I would recommend to anyone who is interested in such topics as C.S. Lewis, curiosity about Oxford University, God’s will and ways, or discovering one’s vocation. In the end, he hits you with a reminder: all Christians are called to surrender and to die to self. He writes about how he learned to trust God when things did not always go his way. “It is a paradox, but freedom is found in surrender, in giving over our own will to God’s leading through the unique gifts and passions he has given each one of us,” he says.

This is the wisdom all the saints knew and taught. This is what Jesus taught us to pray in the Our Father prayer–not my will, but your will be done. Same old message, different life story. This is the essence of Christianity, but how many of us are living this way? How many of us are avoiding the Cross we are being led to? How many of us actually trust God with our lives? (This is a really good short article on trusting God written by Msgr. Charles Pope.) Honestly, this “Good News” can sound pretty dreadful if we forget about what is on the other side of the Cross which is joy we can’t imagine in this life. Of course, this takes faith and keeping God front and center in our lives and minds.

I was wondering what I am doing with my life in general, but particularly with this new blog I have going. All the advice tells you to have a niche, develop your brand, get a voice, blah blah blah. But, I am still trying to figure out what this blog will be all about based on what I feel inspired to write about most often. I am learning, through the challenge of posting regularly, to depend on the Holy Spirit for inspiration and guidance. This is a partnership between me and the Spirit of God dwelling in me and I am being challenged to trust him and listen to him for inspiration. (So far he has not let me down!)

I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do with this blog and feeling a little frustrated with my lack of vision for the future of it. I was praying for guidance and I remembered what Joyce Meyer wrote in her book on Leadership. She said that she hears from the Lord to do such and such, so she does such and such until she hears another word from the Lord to do something else. She may go a couple years without hearing some other guidance on that thing, so she just keeps on doing it until directed otherwise. I know I was led to start this blog. I don’t know what God will do with it or what may be the outcome of all of this. But I will take Joyce’s advice and just keep on doing the last thing I heard to do until he makes it clear that I should do something different.

I am learning (slowly) to trust and wait (so hard!) and let go of control. I pray that I can be an instrument that God can use for whatever his purposes are. I am afraid to pray for the Cross yet–but I pray that I will be willing to be willing to accept whatever Cross he finds it necessary that I bear.

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